


There's No Reason To Live If Your Dead (Jimmy "The Rev" Sullivan)

by ObessedWithAdamWadeGontier



Category: Avenged Sevenfold
Genre: AU- Mostly in The Rev's Subconsious, F/M, Maybe Sexual Content, Romance, Tradgey, Will Jimmy be saved?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-11
Updated: 2013-11-12
Packaged: 2018-01-01 06:18:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1041350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObessedWithAdamWadeGontier/pseuds/ObessedWithAdamWadeGontier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex dips into Jimmy's subconsious to try & bring him back to the land of the living, will she succeed, or will Jimmy live on in the afterlife?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. He Can't Be...

¡Avenged Sevenfold!

Alex Winter: She's 5'6, eyes a dark brown. She was a loner, not asking or saying much. Alex had a good build, stronger & faster than most girls. She wore black nerd glasses with a huge frame. Her hair covered her eyes, the dark hair dyed sliver at the ends, it pasted her ears barely & formed slight wisps. She had stretchers, gauge 18, they were crestants, soild black with white that look like it was drizzled on. Her life was good, hell it was great, she toured with Avenged Sevenfold. She would be fifteen by December 24th, Avenged Sevenfold always considered her their Christmas present.

~Earlier That Night~ 9:11 P.M.

Jimmy stormed off, drunk & mad, he'd taken Brian's car. Alex tried stopping him, she did.

"Jimmy stop being an ass, you're gonna get yourself killed!" She yelled, Jimmy stopped & turned to look at her. Eyes red, & glassy, the pain showing in his eyes made it hard for Alex to hold his stare. "Jimmy, you can't. She cheated, that means she wasn't for you. You were too good for her."

"No! I fucking wasn't!" Was all he shouted before sprinting out the door. Zacky & them all called out for him, trying desperately to talk sense into him, & even more so to stop him. His legs were too long, strides getting him farther than they could manage. Jimmy sped off. Alex stomped back into the house, teeth clenched. She found Jimmy's girlfriend Sally.

"Look what you've done, you whore!" Alex threw a punch, it connected with her jaw. Sally stumbled backwards, holding her jaw.

"What the fu-" Alex punched her again, Sally fell to the floor. She knelt down besides her, Alex gripped her hair, tugging her head back fiercely.

"If he dies because of you. I will kill you," Alex snarled in her ear before releasing her. Sally curled in on herself. Alex pushed past Brian, & Matt, growling if they were to bother her, she'd kill them too. And they knew she wasn't playing, Alex was very protective of all the members of Avenged Sevenfold but, Jimmy was always hers. Her brother.

***

All too familar red & blue lights flashed in the rear-view mirror as Johnny sped to the hospital. Alex was bouncing around in the backseat like a manic, her heart beating a million times a minute. She shut her eyes tightly, praying to God for him to save Jimmy's dumb ass. Johnny hit the brakes, Alex lept out the car, Brian & Matt in tow. Johnny could faintly be heard yelling at the cops as they entered the ER. Zacky was there already, a nurse filling him in on the situation at hand. Alex knew she could save Jimmy, she had a 'gift' that allowed her to. The band knew it but, too many people were around for her to use it.

"Zacky!" Alex yelled quietly, he quickly jogged over. Zacky knew what the look in her eyes meant.

"Okay, I'll see what I can do. For now, go see him," Zacky said before calling after the nurse. Alex made her way to Jimmy's room on jellified legs, alone.

~Alex's POV~

I stepped inside, shutting the door behind me quietly. I made my way to the side of the bed, noticing when Jimmy's blue eyes fluttered open. I could feel tears brimming my eyes. Jimmy lifted a hand to me, it shook from lack of strength. Quickly I caught it, caressed it with both of my hands. My thumbs stroking his knuckles with a hidden love no one could compare to.

Jimmy smiled smally, "Hey Alex." I wanted to breakdown then & there, just cry at the condition he was in.

"Hey James, how you feeling?" I asked softly. His smile fell from his face, his expression sullen as he met my eyes. I held it surprisingly.

"Alex, you & I both know... I'm not gonna make it, it's inevitable-"

I cut him off, "No Sullivan, don't you dare think that for one second. You'll pull through... you have to." I squeezed his hand tightly, & he returned it.

"Alex, stop lying to yourself, I'm a dead man. I just wish I could've done one thing..." he trailed off, breathing becoming shallow. I couldn't lose him, we were the closest in the band. 'If I lose him, half my heart'll die with him,' I thought knowing for a fact it was true.

"What? Do what?" I asked panicked as his eyes slowly closed. Jimmy took in a shakey breath, eyes wide open before going half-lidded. He looked at me, his blue eyes clouded over. 'As if lost,' I thought. I was postive now he had a chance.

"Become the knife master..." Jimmy said quietly. "Alex, c'mere." I leaned down fast, almost knocking heads with Jimmy. He hugged me with his free arm, & kissed my cheek. "I love you... & tell the guys too..." he muttered against my ear. I felt his grip slacken on my hand, I clung to his lifeless body. Tears slid down my face, & I barely managed not to scream. Matt & Short Shit came in, they pried me off Jimmy (literially), & out the door.

***

I sat there on my side of the bus, in my bunk bed with the curtain drawn. My legs pulled against my chest, chin resting on my caps. A knock came from the side of the wall.

"It's Brian, can I come in?" I had to chuckled at his choice of words, & answered a 'yes'. "Have you done this before?" He asked. I shook my head, "Are you willing to?" I nodded my head, face revealing no emotion. "C'mon, we're home." I didn't move, I couldn't. Brian carried me, usually I was fearful when one of these jackasses carried me, so I clung to them. Not this time.

***

There we were, in the living room of the Avenged Sevenfold mansion. Everyone was seated on the couch, Jimmy's dead body in the center. I paced around a bit, thinking of all the outcomes, good & bad, the consequences scared me the most. A warm hand rested on my cool shoulder, I turned.

Matt looked at me, "What are the risks?" My eyes fell to the floor, my heart following. 'Would they allow me to go through with this if they knew the risks?' I asked myself.

"Risks? Ah, yes. A) everything turns out fine, I locate Jimmy's soul in his subconsious & bring him back to the land of the living. B) I don't find him, & return, & Jimmy's still... dead," the word caught in my throat, & it burned coming out. Like bile when you vomit.

"Go on," Matt said soft. I sighed, inhaling deeply before continuing.

"C) I bring him back but, he's not himself... forever lost. D) I find him, return him, but do not return myself. E) Become forever lost in his winding subconsious, of memories, secrets, & feelings. Or, I bring him back... & he's... paralyzed from the waist down." Matt listened intently, eyes boring into mine the entire time.

"You guys heard the risks. What do you think?" Matt asked. We both focused on the others, all thinking hard.

"Don't hurt yourselves," I joked trying to lighten the mood. They cracked smiles. Finally, Johnny stood. I raised my brows, "Short Shit first to answer? That's new." He rolled his eyes.

"It's you're first time doing this, do you know anyone more experienced?" He asked. My jaw dropped & I looked at him perplexed.

"What, don't think I can do it? Think I'll fuck up?" I snarled defensively.

"Alex, he didn't mean it like that," Zacky said calmly.

"What Short Shit is trying to say is we lost one person we can't replace, ever. We... we couldn't stand losing you too," Brian said sincere. I sighed, locking eyes with Johnny.

"Short Shit... Syn, Vengeance, Shads, I gotta go through with this. I gotta try," I said desperate for them to understand. To agree with me for once since jimmy couldn't. They nodded. "Thank you. But, while I'm in his subconsious, don't under any circumstances disturb us. And especially don't move us, it will disrupt the connection & probably permantly kill Jimmy... & me."

***

I laid down behind Jimmy, his hair in my face. I steady my heart, glancing to my friends, & smiling weakly.

"If niether of us return, we're in the woods... becoming knife masters..." the guys smirked. I lifted my hands to the sides of his head, resting my fingertips on his scalp. I closed my eyes, contrentrating on Jimmy. All Jimmy. Only Jimmy. My world went white...


	2. Memories...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex begins exploring Jimmy's fascinating mind. Her first exploration are some of Jimmy's memories.

~Normal POV~

Alex slowly stood, looking around the white room. It was bare of furniture, & life. She looked at her hands, turning them over, & curling each digit one at a time. She glanced around once more, a red door appearing in front of her. 'Jimmy's Subconsious,' it read.

Alex snorted, "How straight forward, I like it." She turned the knob & stepped out onto the other side. "Holy jizz?!" Jimmy's subconsious was a mess, random doors floated around what seemed to be space. Alex looked at the ground she was standing on, it twisted, & turned, & seemed to go on for miles. It was grassy, like a field. 'Focus, you need to find Jimmy!' Alex thought scolding herself. She walked, eyes darting to each door, reading them for any clues to which one he might be in.

***

"Ouch!" She whimpered when something hard hit her in the head. Alex turned around, surprised to find a baseball hovering in front of her. Then, noticed a figure standing thirty feet away, a small boy looking ashamed as he tucked away his baseball bat behind him. "Hello?" She called. The boy scuttled forward, head down.

"Hi." He replied shyly. Alex smiled.

"I'm Alex, here's you're ball back," she said handing it to him.

"Thank you Alex. I'm James but, everyone calls me Jimmy," the boy said taking the ball. Alex eyes lite up especially bright, her smile only growing.

"Hey, don't sweat hittin' me, I'll be alright. But, I could use you're help Jimmy," Alex said bubbly. Young James looked up at her with a beaming smile, he was missing a tooth.

"Sure!" He said jumping up & down. Alex looked around, she ran & jumped up, catching a photo just before it floated out of reach. She returned & showed young James the photo.

"I need you're help to find this man. He's my friend & I'm trying to save him before it's too late," she stood from her crouch postion. "I don't know this world like you do, I don't know how to move about this place, or find what I'm looking for; will you help me?" Alex questioned. Young James nodded & took hold of her hand.

"That man, he's sad, & won't talk to me. Last time I'd seen him was here," he stopped at a blue door covered in brown eyes much like Alex's. 'Memories,' it read. Alex twisted the knob & glanced to young James, he remained planted in the same spot.

"C'mon James!" She said. He shook his head & scooted back.

"I can't, I'm not allowed to. There are bad things in there... I can tell. I'll be here, good luck Alex!" He said. Alex shook the puzzled look off her face & continued inside. The floors were black & white checkered tiles, the walls red & black striped. Alex traveled swiftly down the corridoor, glancing into each door. One in particular caught her attention, 'Practice with New Girl.' It once read, now 'New Girl' was x'd out & written over with, 'Alex Winter.' Alex assumed it was the first time she played with the band in the studio, & Jimmy didn't know her name. She pushed it open & stepped inside, picks. Oh god, picks were scattered all over the floor, all different patterns, colors, & thicknesses.

"Hey, douchebag! Think fast!" Brian's familar voice broke the silence. Alex ducked as a beer flew past her head. It hit Jimmy in the stomach, he fell backwards onto the couch with an 'oomph.'

"Di-ck," the word broken as Jimmy caught his breath. The guys laughed, as did the Alex from this memory she chuckled softly. Alex watched her former shy self interact with her soon-to-be family. 'She's adorable.' A thought that wasn't Alex's invaded her head. It was Jimmy's! She could hear his thoughts from this memory.

"Cool." Alex breathed once she realized they couldn't see or hear her. They began chatting about songs, lyrics, & life experiences.

"Hey Alex, what do you do?" Zacky asked. Alex watched herself as she sunk more into the couch. 'Shyness, that's a turn on... wait, what!?' Jimmy's thoughts invaded her head once more. Alex's eyebrows shot up. Alex decided to ditch THAT memory entirely.

***

'Summer,' read the next door Alex peeked into. They were in the backyard of the mansion, this was six months after they first met, Alex still shy. Alex stood next to her still fully clothed self as she stared at the band. They all stripped down to their boxers in front of a ten year old girl, & her cheeks were set aflame. They watched as they swam around.

Brian stopped, "C'mon, get in! We're not gonna bite!" He sid playfully splashing some water in Alex's direction.

"Speak for yourself!" Jimmy yelled from the other side of the pool. Brian shook his head.

"Please, ignore the nitwit. Get in, it's a nice day, have fun!" He continued. Alex shook her head slowly.

"Nah, I'm fine," she said before taking a seat in a lounge chair. Alex watched her younger self the entire ten minutes as she read her book with Edgar Allen Poe's short stories & poems. Alex backed up remembering the next part of this memory; the part where Jimmy dumped a bucket of water on her. "Ahhh!" Alex's younger self stood quickly, clothes slopping wet & clinging to her skin. The splashing, laughing, & talking cease. None of them knew Alex well enough to know who she was going to react. Even Jimmy stopped & watched through uncertain blue eyes, her tounger self just stood there, fists clenched tight & not saying a word.

"Alex?" Johnny questioned. Alex's head snapped up, brown eyes dark. She smiled scary at the guys, then focused her gaze on Jimmy. 'Holy shit. I think I just shit myself,' he thought. Alex smirked at it.

"FOR NARNIA!" Alex exclaimed before charging Jimmy with flailing arms. The guys laughed as Jimmy ran around the pool, trying to dodged the deranged child.

"Ahhh, shit Im'ma die. Help me!" Jimmy yelled, voice going girly at the end. Young Alex tackled him into the grass, & clung to him. Jimmy sat up, Alex managed to wrap her legs around his waist, & her hands were resting on his pale shoulders. Alex blushed at how her younger self stayed on him, she knew now & then that it looked inappropriate. 'Didn't stop me though,' she thought. Jimmy looked down at the girl clinging to him, then he couod feel it. 'Fuck, a boner now!?' He quickly pried her off, legs crossed he hurried away.

"What the fuck was that about?" Alex questioned & turned to Zacky. He shrugged, & dived underwater. She jumped in & swam with the others, forgetting Jimmy. Alex made her way to leave, once again Jimmy's thoughts the cause of her quick departure. They popped into her head, making her stop & listen. 'God she's so hot. Fuck, there must be something wrong with me. But fuck, the way she clung to me, & the blush in her cheeks! She knew what she was doing!' Alex sped out the memory & nearly slammed into the wall on the other side.

***

'The Talk.' Alex stepped inside, Brian & immy stood in the kitchen on opposing sides. From the looks of the kitchen, this was two years ago, so she was tweleve. She watched as Jimmy's eyes darted all around, looking scared, nervous, & ashamed. Brian broke the silence.

"What's up Jimmy, you've been different lately," he said looking at his shoes.

"What are you talking about?" Jimmy asked offended. Brian snorted unamused & rolled his eyes.

"You don't hang out with us anymore, or at least when Alex is around. You know she thinks you hate her, right?" Brian said. Alex remembered this, she thought for so long she'd done something to Jimmy to make him hate her. Jimmy's eyes shot up from the grimey tiles, blue eyes looking at his friend with hurt.

"No, trust me... hate is far from it..." he muttered thinking Brian didn't catch it. He did. 'Why hate? I love my present, she's mine... I'm hers. When will she realize that?' He asked himself. Alex left, tears flowing down her cheeks silently. She sluggishly moved down the corridoor.

"I'm his present?" She questioned herself, not realizing she pushed into Jimmy's dream door...


	3. Dreams...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex finally figures out she's in the dream part of Jimmy's mind...

~Normal POV~

Alex wiped away he tears, the walls were painted like the barcodes in stores. The floor a shocking green color, it hurt Alex's eyes to look at it. Still it went unnoticed by Alex that she turned down another place. She stumbled into one room, 'Beach.' She stepped inside, of course it was in a beach setting, she didn't recall this though. Brian, Zacky, Johnny, & Matt were tossing around a football in the water. Kids ran past a young Alex as she sat on her beach towel, & put on sunblock. A hyper Jimmy came & flopped down next to her, giving her a quick peck on the cheek. It was something Jimmy always done to Alex but, it still made her feel akward & light up like a red light. Jimmy smiled happily & reclined back on his hands.

"Aren't you gonna put on sunblock? Gotta keep that paleness up," Alex joked. Jimmy flipped her off but laughed regardless, looking over himself.

"Hey, I'm getting some color now! And do it for me," he said. Alex looked at him skeptical. "Pleaseeee!" He whinned dragging out the 'e'. Alex snorted, & Jimmy yipped victorious. He handed her his arm, she shot some of the sunblock into her hands & began massaging it into his inked skin. Jimmy watched, something mysterious flashing in his crystal blue eyes. Alex finished & moved to his next arm, once both were done next was his chest & torso. Jimmy laid down on display for Alex. Alex watched amused by this interaction she all but recalls. Alex's hands rubbed in the sunblock slowly on Jimmy's chest, her hands floated down to his torso. Jimmy's muscles jumped like they were on fire under Alex's assault. 'God she's such a fucking tease.' Alex's eyes shot open.

"Next door." She muttered, & sped out the room, blushing like a madman. Alex hurried down the corridoor, tripping multiple times. "Fuck, why can't you be in the open James!" She grumbled & continued on her "merry" way. Alex stumbled into another room reading, 'Alone.' She stopped when she was Jimmy strung up alone in a room. Hands tied above his head, feet barely touching the floor, a bad gash in the side of his head gushed blood. His swung slightly, eyes barely open. Alex rushed to him, resting hands on him only for them to go through.

"Brian! Zacky! Matt, Short Shit! Alex... help!" His voice died down, his head drooping again. "Alone at the worst time..." Jimmy muttered. Alex tried cupping his face.

"Jimmy? Jimbo, you're not alone, I'm here for you. Please, don't give up..." Alex murmured against his ear, tears falling again. Jimmy wasn't going to quit, not when Alex was around. She leaned in close, teeth clenched in anger. "Jimmy, you are not a quiter. You are a fighter, you will find the light in this darkness. You will escape. And you WILL NOT GIVE UP." Jimmy's muttering grew louder, his actions becoming more forceful.

"I will not give up. I am strong, I have friends. I will not lose, I am not weak. I am not a quiter," he said pulling at the shackles until he pulled down a chunk of the ceiling. He broke the cuffs, rubbing his wrists as he neared the steps. Jimmy glanced around the room, "Thank you." Alex smiled solemly.

"You're welcome. Rememeber, you're never alone," Alex said softly. Jimmy looked at the floor to his right, a smile tugging at his lips.

"I am never alone..." he muttered, a twinkle (tear) showing in his eyes. He ran up the stairs, shouting for his friends. Alex left that room too, finally realizing these were his dreams.

***

Alex aimlessly wondered around, it felt like hours, & she was tired, & hungry. She plopped down against the wall, a light going off in her head. Alex clenched her eyes shut, & thought on one thing. She reopened her eyes finding a Monster, & two slices of pizza before her.

"Yes!" She yipped & bit into the pizza, it was delicious! Alex ate in relative silence, until a huge duck came along waddling by. 'The fuck?' She thought, Alex just had to follow now. It waddled into a room, it seemed to be in a slightly wooded area with tall trees scattered around & a lake. Alex stared at the duck.

"That's a huge fucking duck!" Alex startled at the sound of Rev yelling. She turned, seeing them walking randomly about. "Look at the size of that duck!" Jimmy pointed. "Fucking c'mere... stallion duck!" Jimmy took off after it, two cameramen following pursuit. "He's not afraid at all," Jimmy repeated three times until stopping at the lake. The duck flew off, "That's the biggest fucking duck I've ever seen!" Alex shook her head, an amused smile tugging at her lips. 'It's a goose,' she thought.

"Next door," she muttered & left. 'First Kiss.' This title made a pang of jealousy shoot through Alex. She pushed it open, a young Synyster Gates with a beer in hand leaned against the porch railing to a house full of party-goers. 'Jimmy's house,' Alex figured. A drunk Jimmy stumbled out the door & slumped against Brian, nervousness in his eyes.

"What's wrong with you?" Brian asked looking to his friend.

"Girl- makeout- can't," Jimmy stuttered. Brian pulled away.

"What? You sayin' YOU never kissed anyone?" He questioned, brown eyes lighting up with shock. Jimmy nodded vigirously. Brian stood & sighed, "Need a lesson?" Jimmy didn't know what 'a lesson' entail so he agreed. Alex gasped when Brian gripped the back of Jimmy's head, & pulled their lips together. It started out slow until Jimmy got the hang of it, they pulled away for air.

"Thanks buddy. How can I repay you?" Jimmy asked hugging his friend. Both nearly toppling over.

"You did," Brian muttered. Jimmy looked at him perplexed. "My first kiss too. Glad it was with someone I care about." Jimmy hugged him again.

"Iloveyouman!" Jimmy slurred before walking (stumbling) back inside. Brian rolled his eyes, smirking slightly as he sipped his beer. Alex left.

"Holy shit nuggets. That was a memory, that Jimmy drempt about." She laughed, & made her way merrily down Jimmy's dreams/memories.

***

'Sweet Ecstacy.' Alex chuckled at the title of the dream. She pushed open the door with the pads of her fingers, it closed & she turned around. She took her time to look around, absorbing ever little detail. The bed was round, blood red quilts covering it & dripping over, barely reaching the floor. Alex, she guessed when she was thirteen, was asleep on the bed. Rose petals were sprinkled all around, calm, quiet piano music cascaded through the room. Little candles throughout made dim lighting, making the room have a warm, comforting feeling. And the place smells fainting like Jimmy's cologne. A lanky figure stepped into the room, Jimmy in nothing more than his boxers. Alex raised a questioning brow, 'Definitely don't wanna remember this.'

"Hey babe, you awake?" Jimmy questioned as he crawled in beside Alex's younger self. She groaned smally & rolled over, eyes looking him up & down.

"Yea, you wanna..." she trailed off, hand rubbing his side. Jimmy purred in contentment as he nodded highly. Jimmy held himself above Alex, allowing only his lower half to rest on her. Alex's breath caught in her throat, shit she nearly choked on air when Jimmy's lips connected with her younger self's. She stumbled backwards, knocking over a small glass. She startled Jimmy & herself, they both looked in her direction. Jimmy started getting a little pink in his cheeks.

"What the fuck? Alex?" Jimmy questioned. Alex backed up against the wall, 'He can see me?' Younger Alex looked at Jimmy confused.

"Jimbo, who are you talking to? No one's there hun," she said squinting as if trying to see through Jimmy's eyes. Jimmy turned to her.

"Sorry babe, go run us a shower while I fix my eyes," he said softly, nuzzling her neck. Alex watched as her younger self giggled & stood to go to the bathroom, the door closed behind her. Jimmy returned his attention to a still stunned Alex.

"Babe? What the hell Jimbo?! And, why can you see me when the others can't?" Alex asked panicked. Jimmy sat on the edge of the bed, sighing in frustration as he rubbed his eyes with the balls of his hands.

"Cause Alex unlike the others... I am the real Jimmy 'The Rev' Sullivan," he said standing. Alex was about to vibrate out her skin, she threw herself at Jimmy. Arms grappled around his neck as she clung to him for dear life, tears flowing steadily. "Hey, calm down. Alex, I'm fine really. How'd you get here?" He asked hugging her.

Alex leaned away, wiping away tears, "My gift. I used it to try & find you, to bring you back buddy." Jimmy smiled smally as he hugged Alex tighter, tears close to falling.

"Alex, you shouldn't have. You could've died... still you might," Jimmy pointed out. Alex buried her head in Jimmy's shoulder, shaking her head.

"I don't care Jimmy.... goddammit, I just don't care anymore. Without you I'm lost, have zero purpose in life. Without you James, life is not worth living... not without you. You're my partner in crime, my big bro that helps get me in trouble... And, I love you," Alex said into his shoulder. Jimmy shushed her & kissed her head.

"Bab- Alex, I love you too-"

"You can call me babe if it means you'll come back. Call me anything you want, just please, come back to us- come back to me," Alex said desperate to have her light back. It broke Jimmy's heart...


	4. Found You...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Let's see, we must find the memory of the party. It's like a time warp, it'll take us back to before you stormed out the party. You won't remember dying, no one but me will-"

~Jimmy's POV~

"You can call me babe if it means you'll come back. Call me anything you want, just please, come back to us- come back to me," Alex said desperate to have her light back. It broke my heart. I did wish to see my friends again, hell I had the one I wanted to see most, not to sound heartless. I pulled away, I hated seeing sadness, or hurt in Alex's chocolate brown eyes, especially when I caused it.

"Alex, I couldn't-"

"Why?" She interrupted quickly. I looked her in the eye, seeing tears ready to fall. This girl was the first I truly cared for, I cared for Sally but, not like I did for Alex.

"You're my present... my little Christmas present... mine alone..." I muttered. Alex rested a hand on my arm, worry in her eyes.

"I am you're present, why are you so mad? I've always been you're present always will. Why does it upset you now?" She asked deathly quiet. I clenched my fists.

"BECAUSE, I CAN'T HAVE YOU THE WAY I WANT TO HAVE YOU! IM JUST A FRIEND, A BROTHER, NOTHING MORE!" I yelled, panting from the loss of breath. I reopened eyes I didn't know I closed, Alex looked at me dumbfounded, pain in her eyes. Pain that was being reflected, it was like mine. 'A broken heart,' I thought.

"All you had to do was ask," Alex muttered more to herself than me. Her posture rigid, & tense. I flopped back down on the bed, head in my hands.

"God, I'm so fucked up. I've fallen for my bandmate, my bestfriend. A fourteen year old girl, no wonder I'm dead..." I said to myself, feeling as tears fell. The bed dipped behind me & arms wrapped around my middle, a chin rested on my shoulder as I cried.

"Tomboy. And, I'm fucked up too. Falling for a bandmate, bestfriend... & you know the best part?" Alex whispered against my ear.

"Ummm?" I questioned, words too hard to form. A kiss was pressed to one of the handcuffs on my neck.

"He's twenty-eight, & covered in tattoos!" She yipped. I lifted my head smiling, Alex rested her head on my thigh, eyes gazing up at me.

"You're only saying that to get me to come back," I stated. Alex punched my arm, frowning playfully.

"Nah, I do want you back, & lying isn't gonna get you there. And I've heard... being honest prevails... tell me I'm wrong," she said challeneging me. I raised a brow before arching over, & brushed her hair out her eyes. Our breaths mingled from the lack of space between us, I smiled at the blush creeping into her cheeks became prominent.

"Hey Alex, you're blushing," I teased. Alex rolled her eyes, hand slipping around the back of my head, fingers tangling in my raven hair.

"You are too dick," she retorted, & pressed her lips to mine. Just a chaste kiss.

"Tease," I breathed. Alex chuckled & pushed me off.

"Wouldn't be the first time I've heard that out you're mouth. Get dressed, we gotta get going... that is if you're coming back with me," Alex said eyes dropping to the black carpeted floor. I stood slowly, running a hand through my hair. I threw on some clean clothes, sighing as I turned to a waiting Alex. 'One who needed an answer,' I thought sadly.

"I'm gonna be honest, this place is great," I began seeing a fire burn in the depths of Alex's eyes.

"And what's so fuckin' great about being dead!? Explain that to me will you," Alex snapped. I took her hands into mine, watching them move as I rubbed her knuckles with my thumbs as she had done to me at the hosptial. I shivered at the not so distant memory, I was scared, & alone before the paramedics found me. I knew I was going to die.

"One, nothing bad happens. People don't die, or get hurt. I don't age like I would when I was alive. No pain, or suffering, or shattered hearts. This place is my own personal Heaven," I spoke using my emphasis of certain words to get my point across. The fire in her eyes snuffed out, & her expression softened.

"Those are really good points," she chuckled softly, "But, I'm lost Jimbo without. I know it sounds pathetic but, I love you, & I don't wanna lose my Rev. I'm lost when I know you won't be there to find me." I frowned.

"Going back does sound nice, but is it possible?" I asked holding her stare.

"Yes, but only if you're truly set on returning. Even if you're ninety-nine percent sure, that one percent will stop you from crossing over. Are you sure you want to return?" Alex asked her expression revealing nothing. I nodded without hesitation, knowing I was lying to her, & myself. 'I had to try,' I thought hoping it would work. Alex smiled, a tear following it. I swiped it away with my thumb, & cupped her face, kissing her with all my heart.

"You alright?" I asked worried as i felt Alex tremble in my arms. Alex nodded, her hands fisted into my shirt. Her head pressed into my chest.

"I love you Rev, I always have but, feelings are one thing I'm horrible at showing. I'm sorry you had to wait four years to finally hear me say those words but, yea, I love you Rev," Alex said. I buried my face in her hair, inhaling the faint strawberry shampoo.

"Where do we go to get back to the land of the living?" I asked pulling away. Alex glanced around the room, I just remembered the other Alex. "We better go before you know who gets out the shower." Alex laughed & pulled me to the door.

"Let's see, we must find the memory of the party. It's like a time warp, it'll take us back to before you stormed out the party. You won't remember dying, no one but me will-"

"Shit, this is like Inception!" I exclaimed. Alex rolled her eyes.

"But." She said, "We must past through certain parts of you're brain. We're in you're dreamway. We must travel to the nightmare realm, & you're secret pathway part of you're brain." Alex paused, "That's where things won't make sense to me, it'll be confusing. Nightmares will be harder for you to get by but, secret pathway will be even harder."

"Why?" I asked feelung antsy to get it over with.

"Because, secret pathway? It's like a maze, the only way tp get through is to tell the truth to the monsters lurking in there," Alex said deadly serious. I looked down the hall, spotting the 'Nightmare Realm.' My eyes flickered to an awaiting Alex, I interlaced our fingers & pulled her to the door.

"As long as I have you. I can do it," I stated confidently. She smiled as I tugged her along...


	5. Nightmare Realm...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jimmy must face the 'Nightmare Realm' in order to be brought back to life, as long as Alex is besides him. 'I can do it.' And he knows it's the complete, & utter truth.

~Alex's POV~

I noticed Jimmy's stride stutter slightly as he stopped in front of the 'Nightmare Realm' of his mind. I pulled my hand from his & used it to squeeze his shoulder comfortingly. I stood on my tiptoes to whisper, or at least try with the ten inch difference.

"You don't have to if you don't want to. I'm not gonna make you," I muttered softly, placing a quick kiss to his neck.

"But, I want to, I do. Just scared," he answered. I laughed softly before locking our fingers together.

"I'm just as scared as you. Forget we both hate spiders?" Jimmy visibly shivered. "Let's go James, I'll lead."

"But I want to!" He whinned. I snorted & pushed open the door regardless.

"No Jimmy, I have to, considering I'm the only one who knows where we're going," I stated. Jimmy frowned playfully.

"Still wanted to lead," he said, a smirk showing through. We walked through the door.

***

"Holy-"

"Shit!" I squeaked, finishing Jimmy's sentence. Doors literially floated all around, as did objects that held little to no meaning at all, but to Jimmy they were his life. The ground we stood on was completely leveled, no twists or turns, just it going straight. The sky was just plaining white.

"Oh look, my first phone!" Jimmy exclaimed & raced to grab an old Nokia flip phone. I walked up besides him, staring at the phone.

"Shit, you must be a dinosaur," I commented. "Now, let's get serious. That door, should get us where we want." I stopped-

"And?" Jimmy asked allowing the phone to slip from his grasp & hover away.

"And, how do we get there? We can't fly," I said. Jimmy looked at our shoes, thinking real hard. "What the-" I watched as our shoes sprouted wings on the sides, they fluttered slightly before settling back against the shoe. "Jimmy you are a genius!"

"A mad genius!" He exclaimed, "Now, how to these things work?" I shrugged & lifted my foot, the wings still flat against my shoe.

"Try jumping," I said suggestively. Jimmy nodded, & jogged, then jumped into in the air.

*Oomph* "Fuck, that hurt!" Jimmy said slamming into the ground. I bent over laughing, tears blurring my vision. "Shut the fuck up, you try something. Run." Jimmy grumbled. I pouted at him playfully, & took off down the strip of land. I had my arms out, spread wide, air blowing around my hair. I shut my eyes, smiling. I felt the ground disappear beneath my feet. I opened them, gazing down at Jimmy twenty feet beneath me.

"I'm flying! Oh my god, I'm flying!" I yelled slightly swaying in the air. "Come on up Jimbo! It's not a party without you!" He smiled, & ran, then jumped. He hit the floor. Her tried six more times, & I waited patiently. Jimmy grumbled something I didn't catched & slumped out against a random tree. I frowned smally, & flew down to him, hovering in front of him. "C'mon Jimmy. You can do it."

He looked at me, "No I can't." I pouted when he looked away from me, slowly I turned until I was upside down in the air, hair dangling, juet barepy brushing the floor.

"Then, let me help you," I said grabbing hold of his hands. Jimmy looked at me giving a sad smile, I coaxed him to stand, me right side up now. Slowly I decended into the air, Jimmy's arms stretching until he either had to let go, or trust me not to drop him. He looked at me worried, "I promise... I won't let you fall- I WILL NEVER let you fall." My voice sincere, I saw the proudness flash in Jimmy's eyes. He nodded & pushed off the ground, I held onto him like I promised, his shoe's wings finally flapping.

"I'm flying!" He yelled as I'd done previosuly. He cupped my face, & smashed our lips together. Ours lips fitting like puzzle pieces, 'Perfect.' My arms wrapped around Jimmy's neck, & pulled him closer, intensifying the kiss. "Listen babe, I love you with all my heart." He breathed.

I laughed softly, "And I you stupid giraffe!" I spun around & quickly flew off, Jimmy in tow. We laughed, & few around a bit, we found a football & began to play catch. "Think fast!" I chucked the football at him, Jimmy stretched but it went just out of reach & sailed into an open door. "Sorry hun." Jimmy waved it off.

"Let me go get it!" He called back before disappearing into the door. I floated over to it, seeing the sign covered with a piece of paper. The corner was peeled off & flapping in the light breeze rolling through the winding world of James' mind. Out of curiousity (and the love of peeling things off) I made quick work of removing the paper. 'Spiders.'

"Shit. JAMES!" I exclaimed & flew into the door, apparently the shoes didn't work in here because I nearly fell when they gave out, my sneakers hit the floor with a quiet *thud*. I sprinted into the darkness, tripping over something. It was hairy, & it hissed. I squinted into the darkness, seeing multiple pairs of glowing red eyes staring at me. "Fuck, spider! Jimmy!" I felt something wrap around my arm & pull me away from it, I screamed & punched the attacker.

"Hey! Cut it out before I throw you're ass back to it!" I froze recognizing Jimmy's voice. My cheeks were aflame from embarrassment, 'Thank goodness he can't see.'

"Sorry babe," I murmured.

"It's okay, you punch like a girl anyway." I couod hear the grin in his tone & pulled away, I punched him in the shoulder. Hard. "Ouch, shit, calm down Rocky!" I laughed, then remembered what lurked in the darkness.

"The spiders?" I questioned, & looked in what I supposed was the general direction of Jimmy.

He sighed sounding defeated, "Yea, about them. Their not friendly, & big as fuck. And... I think they can jump... & are extrememly poisonous." My eyes widened, & I looked all around. I repeatedly struck my head against Jimmy's chest.

"Why can they fucking jump, of all things, they jump! I hate you're phobia of eight-legged bugs," I groaned into his shirt. Something creaked in the distance, I whizzed around, a spider as big as an SUV unearthed itself. I screamed like a girl which was very uncommon. Jimmy hugged me tightly.

"I love you Alex. I'm sorry about dying, I'm sorry about everything I ever did that hurt you," Jimmy sobbed into my hair, "Please, God help us. I'll do anything you ask, just save us- save her." Tears pricked my eyes at his sacrifice, I pecked his lips.

"It's alright, we'll make it out alive. I swear it," I whispered watching intently as the spider grew nearer. An idea popped into mind, & I prated for it to work.

"Is that? Sticky paper?!" Jimmy asked confused, the spider kept advancing, until one of its long, hairy legs snagged in my ingenius trap.

"Haha! Dumb insect!" I laughed.

"Arachnid," Jimmy corrected.

"What the fuck ever! Let's go!" We ran past tye spider just as if freed itself. We sprinted to a purple door across the room, Jimmy slammed it shut, panting as he smiled highly at me.


	6. Nightmare Realm Pt.2...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One of Jimmy's biggest fears is revealed.

~Normal POV~

Both looked around the well lite room, another nightmare but, Alex had zero idea. She noticed Jimmy moving constantly as if he had to use the bathroom. 'What the hell is his problem?' She wondered. Both pairs of eyes landed on a man wrapped in a straight jacket, the man sobbed his head & face hidden as he curled into himself. Jimmy grasped Alex's wrist & tugged her towards the next door but, Alex wouldn't budge.

"Jimbo, is that you? Jim- Jimmy stop!" Alex snarled, Jimmy repeased her caught off guard by the sudden rage. She unclenched her fists, not able to look at Jimmy right now. "Jimmy, I love you, you know that. Trust me to see you, the real you." Alex watched him from the corner of her eye, he nodded & stood back. Alex walked over to the dream Jimmy. She touched his shoulder, he jumped & looked at her with the deer in headlights look.

"Alex? Alex!" He shot up, the jacket restaining him from hugging her. Alex wrapped her arms around him, petting the back of his head. "They called me crazy, said you died. I knew they we're wrong! God, Brian, Matt, Zacky, & Johnny are going to be so happy to see you!" Alex's eyes became glassy, knowing this Jimmy would relive this nightmare over & over. But, maybe. 'I could change it.' Alex dreamed up an exact replica of herself, one that would give this poor Jimmy hope. The replica Alex untied Jimmy, hugged him, & together. Hand in hand, they disappeared out the white room's door.

"Let's move on," Alex murmured, her fingers intertwinned with each other. Jimmy didn't question her, just smiled & followed her, hands resting on her hips as they swayed.

***

They entered the next nightmare. 'Dancing Forever.' Jimmy paused.

"This isn't a nightmare, just disturbing to me." He explained after seeing Alex's worried look. She raised a brow, a curious smirk gracing her face. They watched as a bonfire on a beach happened, it must've been midnight. Brian, & all of them danced around the fire towering ten feet in the air. In nothing but their swim trunks, red paint smeared on their bodies. They laughed, & lightly pushed each other. Alex noticed herself having fun too, in a black two piece, the paint also splattered on her.

"Woooo!" She howled, head thrown back, moonlight flowing with the curve of her neck. Brian & them laughed, Alex noticed something glisten in their mouths upon turning their heads. Alex jumped when screaming started, Jimmy carried a girl as she kicked & yelled. Blonde hair, brown eyes, & early twenties. Jimmy dropped her in front of his friends before joining Alex's side. They all hissed in delight, eyes glowing gold.

"Nice Rev!" Johnny said.

"Yes, so young," Brian commented.

"Her blood so sweet, listen to it course through her veins! All that fear, & the adrenaline to top it off!" Alex hissed devious.

"Let me go please, I won't tell anyone about you!" The blonde squeaked. They laughed, throwing back their heads, fangs glistening.

"Hear that fellas? Said she isn't gonna tell anyone, ha!" Matt laughed.

"C'mon, let's feast already," Zacky finally spoke. They shared an agreeing nod before closing in on the girl, she screamed as fangs sunk into her skin. All drooling as her blood hit their tastebuds, it had been so long since such a young prey had been caught, & so fresh. Jimmy was first to pull away, his eyes glowing as they landed on Alex. He gripped the back of her head, pulling her to look at him. Alex hissed but far from objected, their eyes connected, pupils dialated. They kissed, blood smearing over their mouths as the sloppy, heated kissed continued. Jimmy yanked her head backwards, her neck exposed to him, he licked up where her pulse point would be, leaving blood on her tanned skin. Alex moaned. Jimmy drank more blood from the now dead girl, & let it dribble into Alex's open mouth.

"Okay?! Next door!" Alex squeaked & nearly tripped trying to get to the next door. Jimmy blushed in embarrassment. "Okay, weird but... kinda hot..." Alex murmured, using her bangs to hide her blush. Jimmy chuckled & used his index finger to tilt her chin, forcing her to look him in the eye. Neither saying a word, they just pressed their lips to one another in a chaste kiss.

"Why you pouting?" Jimmy asked.

"Now I see why you hate teasing, it sucks," Alex replied. Jimmy laughed warmly, it had been too long since Alex heard him laugh aloud. "I miss you Jimmy. I miss you're eyes, you're warm, yet deranged smile, you're drunk & sober hugs... I miss you're laugh but, I miss you're love the most. It was unique from the others." Alex murmured.

"Well, that was cuz I loved you. And you act like I'm already dead," Jimmy said without thought. Alex glared half-heartedly at him, "Sorry, c'mon, let's get going."  
***

'Hospital,' Alex mouthed the word as she read the sign above her head. She looked to Jimmy who gulped, & tightened his hand around hers.

"C'mon, we got to." Alex said. They entered, the room white, & filled with every day medical instruments. Both shivered. The door opened, in stepped Jimmy. He was slug as he crossed the room to the side of the bed where, Brian laid. "What? Brian?" She looked to Jimmy confused.

"Brian, was in an accident two years before we met you. I was scared when they called, I was so scared that we were gonna lose him..." his voice dying down, "I couldn't sleep for a whole week, or... this dream weaved it's way into my subconsious." Alex's eyes flickered to the dream Jimmy as he began to speak.

"Brian, can you hear me man?" He asked, brown eyes fluttered open. Brian smiled highly at his lanky friend.

"Hey buddy, what happened?" Brian asked confused.

"Car accident, drunk driver. You've been asleep for two days, we were worried," Jimmy said looking over his friend. He didn't like the IV's in his arms, or the drip bags, or the gown Brian was in, or the paleness of his friend's complection. Jimmy hated everything about hospitals when a friend, or family member ended up in one.

"What?!" Brian squeaked alarmed & tried to sit up. Jimmy swiftly rested a hand on his chest, stopping him.

Jimmy shook his head, "Rest Bri, you need it. When you're better we'll settle everything with the other guy." Brian looked at Jimmy skeptical, Jimmy handling something meant it was a big deal. "What?"

"Just that *cough*, you handling something is unlike you. What changed?" Brian asked shifting to get comfortable. Jimmy sighed, & took hold of Brian's hand.

"You could've died, that's a big- HUGE deal Bri. None of us could stand losing you. It made me realize how short life is, how easy it can be taken away. Is it so wrong I love my friends?" Jimmy asked sounding hurt. Brian sat up, pulling Jimmy down for a hug. Jimmy was careful to wrap his arms around his friend, unsure of the damage. Brian coughed, but covered his mouth with his hand. He gasped when he saw the blood on his hand.

"I'm kinda tired, sorry Jimmy. You & the guys come back tomorrow. Probably be on my feet then." Jimmy felt compelled to stay with Brian but, visiting hours were almost over. Jimmy nodded, & left. Alex jumped when the room whizzed around her, & a teary-eyed Jimmy. They appeared in the room with Zacky, & them.

"Where is he?!" Jimmy asked frantic as he noticed Brian's room empty. The nurse touched his shoulder. He ripped away from her touch as if it burned, & the sympathetic look in her sad eyes only made him want to die more.

"Mr.Haner, he passed away last night. He is still here though if you'd like to see him one last time," she said looking over each one. Matt, & Zacky nodded in unison, & together they followed her down the hall. Jimmy stared at Brian's body, eyes close, skin still pale. Jimmy grabbed his hand, & shook it lightly.

"Brian? Buddy, wake up, the jokes over, haha you fooled me," Jimmy said. He could hear his friends talking to the nurse, all but ignoring their conversation.

"How'd he- you know?" Zacky asked in a hushed whisper.

"Internal injuries, ones we couldn't repair. We think he might've choked on the blood filling his lungs." The nurse responded calmly. "Will he be alright?" Jimmy knew she meant him. And to be honest, he didn't know himself. He heard a sigh.

"He'll be fine." He heard Johnny say.

"Yeah. He always is." Zacky said, voice wavering. Jimmy felt the tears finally fall, he fell to his knees, still holding Brian's cold hand.

"He's dead. He's fuckin' dead, & I was too shitty a friend, & couldn't save him." Jimmy hissed under his breath as the door creaked open. Jimmy didn't move from his postion off the ground, all he did was continue to hold his friend's hand. He rested his forehead against it. A hand gently squeezed his shoulder.

"Let's go Jimmy," Matt said quietly, not wishing to spoke his friend. Jimmy didn't move for a few seconds, he stood slowly, kissing Brian's hand, & laid it across his chest. Matt helped Jimmy to walk.

"I miss him already..." Jimmy murmured. Matt nodded.

"I know... I know but, he's in a better place now Jimbo, remember that," Matt said reassuringly. The nightmare ended, & replayed like they usually did. Neither Alex, nor Jimmy said a word, just left. Their postures quite the same, arms hanging limply at their sides, eyes sad, frowns on their faces, feet dragging, & slouched over.

"Man, I'm sorry James. Damn, I only loved you guys like that. I probably wouldn't even cry over my family's deaths," Alex said honest. Avenged Sevenfold were more of a family to her then her mother, & father of fourteen years. Jimmy just sat there on the floor, elbows resting on his crossed legs, head in his hands.

He gazed at Alex in shock, "Why?" Alex dropped her gaze, & stuffed her hands in her black hoodie's pockets.

"Cuz, you've been there when they weren't. You loved me, & showed me affection when I didn't want or need it. And you knew for a fact I wasn't a touchy-feely person," Alex said biting her lip.

"Yea, now you hug anything that moves," Jimmy chuckled lowly. She grinned faintly, & pushed her bangs to the side. "We almost there?"

Alex shook her head, "Far from it James. We're almost done here but, the secret pathway... it's such a confusing place. Or it will be for me, you'll understand all that goes on in there. But, to get through, you must tell the truth, it's the only way the monsters will let us pass through safely," she continued. Jimmy stood.

"Come on, we better get some rest." Alex nodded with little objection, though the Monster was still pumping strong through her veins.


End file.
